The Path Less Traveled

Religion, to me, is nothing more than the politics of the interpretation of faith. People tend to migrate to gathering places, where those of like mind are, to worship in their way, their faith. This is fine to me. It's when those people leave their nest of belief, and travel outward to seed the population in search of others. To a point, a very small point, this is ok too, as there are some that may not have found their way yet and need a little guidance and help. But....if you happen to find someone not receptive of your faith, your belief, your politics, don't continue to harass them. This is what annoys me most. When someone tries to force their religion on me, or looks down at me for my beliefs, or lack thereof. Or, worse yet, sighs loudly and proclaims my soul damned.
Arrogance never knew a better lover at this point. Arrogance to believe you can determine a damned soul. Arrogance to place your opinion on the level of your diety, to determine the length and limit of his/her wrath, to place yourself as equal in his/her eyes for the sake of determining worth. Time to go back to confession, you've already sinned, and badly. I'll join you, for the sin of pointing out your flaws.
That's another thing that gets me- confession. So many people head to church on sundays, schedule some heart to heart time with their preacher, confess their sins and by doing penance in the form of prayer determined by a human and inherently fault-ridden soul, cleanses themselves. And then, in that self same act of making all well and good, sin again by having the arrogance to belief they are faultless as well. After all, only the pure souls will find heaven's door. No one is pure, period.
In my opinion, the sooner you accept you have faults, that you have flaws, that you are imperfect, the better off you will be. It's like all these relationships you see pop up here and there. People falling in love with someone, for whatever reason, and then proclaiming that person "completes them" Wrong, you were a complete person before them, flawed yes, but that's all people. They say a defense is only as strong as it's weakest link, the same holds true for us as well. I can deny food cravings all day, but get me around the combination of peanut butter and chocolate and my walls crash down. Poor analogy maybe, but I always see these people who can't survive alone. They have not the ability to amuse themselves consistently and have to find someone else to love, to spend time with, to assist them in their burdens. These are the people you see fucking themselves from one love to the next, never knowing what true affection is.
I don't pretend to know this either, the act of mating and love seems so very clumsy to me, like no one knows exactly what it is we should be doing.

Last night I had a dream about Becky, where she basically pounced on me, gave me a huge hug and quick kiss, and told me she was ok. This is kinda appropo, since Tara and I were/have been really worried/concerned about her at work. She went into a program her probation officer suggested for pregnant women with problems, apparently found out it's mostly for those strung out on drug problems and such, which she is not, and the apt deal they were going to help her get set up with has an extremely long waiting list. The part I think she is most upset about is that should she be on the waiting list for the domecile, her baby would be placed in foster care until then. And I think that bothers her, which I can totally understand- she doesn't have these drug/alcohol issues, and is very dedicated to her baby/life/health...
But the thing that has us worried is she hasn't answered or returned any calls for a week now, and that's been worrisome. But, since I have had a few/several dreams of prophetic nature this year, I am going to take this one for what it appears and relax a bit. May seem strange to some, but well, I've learned to trust the oddities. =)

Ha! Holy fuck crap! Man, I've ignored this place for a looooong time. =) Amazingly not much has changed. I am stillworking at the same place, still hating my boss, and still me, beyond that, i would say the most exciting thing to happen in recent months was having an immense anxiety attack that felt like a heart attack, and I said holy crap fuck it and decided I would just go ahead and go to the hospital for. Ultimately, at the hospital for several hours, hooked up to my very own oxygen tank (screw drugs, that thing rocks!), several hundred dollars in bills later- it is revealed, I have anxiety issues. Well, no shit.
That was months ago, now if I feel one coming on I head to the deep antartic of the freezer and sit in the cold. Amazing how that will calm you down.
Lets see, beyond that Becky just headed out of town to her program, that should help her out a bit. Hopefully she can get away from that nutjob in the process...and...somehow I gotta get my friend to wake the fuck up and realize when her boyfriend beats her, it's not a good thing. Jesus...

Man, I'm pissed off....I was walking home from work, and as usual, I'm walking fast, hard, with a purpose. And gaining on a group of kids, ages ranging from 5 to maybe 13...
I wasn't chasing them, or even intent on them, they were just in front of me...
So, as I am walking, one of them notices me, screams and the whole bunch take off running...It might have been amusing had they not screamed every few seconds, ran harder, and when i finally did pass them I heard something to the effect of "chase into a house with a butcher's knife"
....
What the fuck? Am I now become the boogeyman, used to frighten children? What kind of fucking bullshit is that? It may have amused those little close-minded bitches, but it really hurt me to have that kind of reaction, that kind of laughter. It's funny, you grow up abused and downtrodden and as an adult you think you get past it...Guess not. Thanks kids, have a heart next time and don't be so fucking quick to judge.
Is it any wonder I don't care for most of society? Or that I am so cynical? Just fuck them...

Does that motherfucking Burger King king with the plastic face creep the fuck out of anybody else? I really want to introduce him to a flamethrower...see what his melting temperature is.
The new commercial has him waking up in bed and there are all these construction workers standing around waiting for him to wake up. I swear, that would really creep me out if I saw that when I woke up...

Then there is Geico...I was taking a close look at the animation on it, and I am impressed. Anyone who has takena close look at a gecko will notice folds in the skin that they have been abl;e to mimic, etc...Nice

I have had a very emotional day. And, when i say emotional, i don't mean in a good way. I discovered, recently, that the only emotions that are obvious to me are anger, and disconcerting apathy. I haven't felt sorrow in a long time, or fruitless hopelessness, or just...sadness. And while some people may find that great, it's not, in that I can't feel these things. I think maybe when my mom passed away, and then my cousin Paul, and then the streak of 10 or so family members in that short amount of time that it fucked me up emotionally. I recently had a fam member pass on...a non close one, but still, a piece of my family gone...and i felt nothing.
Now you can sit back and say something to the effect of displacement, or emotional trauma, but i also considered that save for my dad, and my brother's and sister, in effect, I am alone, and that didn't even faze me. My mom, gone. My grandparents, gone. And I never was close to my dad's side of the family, so it's alll a very weird situation. I don't see my brother Donnie but once or twice a year, and I haven't seen my brother Jeff in quite some time. This is only odd in that we all live in the same smallish town, and Donnie lives barely three miles from me. A half hour walk, maybe.

I think it just bothers me that my knee jerk reaction is one of calm acceptance. Relationships have past ended and my reaction was, ok...what now? No, omgomgomg....Just, ok...That's not right. And I'm not saying I want a bad relationship that tears me apart, but I would like to know if I am capable of it in the same.

I think i am ordering some chinese tonight...Now that i found the damned menu...

Ahh, update...well, I slipped yesterday when i was cleaning the band saw and stabbed myself in the thumb. My whole right hand is gauze wrapped right now, just because the cut is in such an odd place that wrapping it with a bandaid is impossible. I'm still playing wow a lot, but hell, it's fun.
Work...well, started learning some of the cuts and such, which is great. My boss is still out with her phantom injury...this is now in it's third month. And, i have heard that when she gets back, she intends to take her month of vacation too...In my opinion, she should work a year, a full year before she gets a vacation...not work a few months ata atime. But, because she has been out I have been working 45+ hours a week. Which is great until you consider how fucking tired that makes me. things get put off until the one day off a week i am off, and then the rage at tooo much shit composing a day comes to me and I feel lost. I hate it, really I fucking do.

I'm angry tonight...or rather I was, until I came home and thought up 6 questions for Amber...the theory of forcing her to wrack her brain cheered me up immensely.
But, i can can still relate the issue that brought me to irritation earlier.
I was called to the office, as I was at work today, to solve a problem. There was a woman who had bought a pork loin filet, and had gotten it bogo (buy one, get one free), when, unfortunately, that one wasn't bogo, meaning some other idiot had made a mistake. She had made one, and found it to be out of date, and blamed a day of throwing up on the past due food. For those curious, it was best before March 17th, meaning it has a week before it truely goes bad. The date on the package is a guide only.
Anyways, she claimed food poisoning, immediately after eating the food. BS. Food poisoning is bacteria that causes your internal systems troubles, once the food is digested. Food isn't immediately digested after eating, the process takes a while. Food poisoning, true cases of food poisoning don't actually occur until a day after you have eaten the food, when the bacteria inside has had a chance to infiltrate and affect your system.
Food allergies can affect your system immediately, but bacteria takes an incubationary period to take affect.
Faced with this she pitted her knowledge against mine, and claimed that thanks to her husband trying to kill her (she had pictures, damn her), her immune system is lowered and she is on so many pills that things affect her faster....Pills have a way of working against one another....you have to be careful in their usages, and to my way of thinking, she mixed something she shouldn't have.
Anyways, she went on and on about things, and if I hadn't seen this same woman trying to screw us before, by taking price stickers off products and switching them around, I might have had pity for her. But....I don't, and after the situation was resolved, i came to understand why her husband might have tried to kill her...
--------------------
No word on the Tara thing- she took the day off to look for an apt....which is good, because that's what i told her she had to do last week....
-------------
Becky and Dwayne (pronounced De-waaaaaa-ne) are breaking up. He's been revealed to be a child, cussing her out for some things, then buying her stuff to make up for it later...She was crying earlier today, and we had a talk after work about it...
-----

So, at work i have a friend that is facing something in the next few days that has me worried for her. Oh, and i think her boygriend is a childish dink.....seriously.
Basically, she (Tara), is in need of an apartment within the next 20 days, since she told her now rental community she had no intention of renewing the lease...whoops. And, for some reason, as she is a manager she schedules herself off on sundays instead of a day when rental offices are actually open.
So, she's looking, desperately. Now, her boyfriend, who reminds me altogether too damned much of me some 10 years ago (yes, sadly), is just insanely childish. His grandparents recently passed away, and left him a hefty chunk of money. (That's the part that reminds me...cause it happened to me too. And I spent it. All.)
Anyways, he will have no place to live in 20 days, and yet he has enough countenance to go out and spend $12,000 on a fucking truck....If he doesn't get off his ass and actually help her, I am afraid my opinion will go from thinking he's a dink to deciding he's not worthy of her. Jeez.

..... Got this stuck in my head recently...."Dig up her grave" by the Misfits....go figure....

Windows....could mean a portal to another world from inner to outer or vice versa....most likely though, and definitely in this case, means a buggy fucking sytem of redundant annoyance and use for computers.... Damn you to hell.
I joined Yahoomusic something or the other, once of those pay us monthly and we'll let you download like a fiend....Being that I CAN'T find any stations in my area that cater to my unique tastes...I find internet radio and such is the way to go. So I did, and for the first night the damn system was working fine....managed to log onto the radio station, listened all night long, and woke up to the soothing sounds of the Revolting Cocks....k, it wasn't very soothing, but it was at the least different from britney Fuckme sideways Spears and her plain jane bullshit she calls music...
But....in an attempt to get the actual service to work, I get some bullshit about my drm not being properly installed with windows media player, and to please reinstall the piece of shit. So, i try to....no dice. One or more of the prerequisites to reinstall failed. And guess what doesn't have an uninstall feature? Only windows. Habve a problem and you might as well shoot yourself.
For those unknowing, drm stands for digital rights management, a system that gives copyright to you, or a personal liscence of sorts everytime you rip something off a cd. A digital footprint. if you dl illegally, you don't have them. Go figure, learn something every day.
Anyways, I go through issues upon issues and decide the only way to fix this bull is to rollback the system and go from there. No dice, windows is being windows....and I can't.
So, it now has cost me another $20, and a restore cd is coming my way....goddamn, i hope I don't lose this one.
------------------------
In other, more ....er, less annoyed news, I had a thought. That thought being, why are all the Top 100 songs of all time lists so full of BS? Because, they are filled with opinions, of people whom don't like the same music I do. Solution? Make a top 100 of your own, and so i shall.
Cause, well, i'm fucking bored and this will keep me from tossing the comp out the window.
Though the new gaming comp is getting closer by the paycheck....*giggles* I'm getting giddier and giddier at the prospect of running dual processors and dual video cards when the wow expansion releases....and the joy of fraps'ing things as well...HA